Most of us have been taught that being selfish is bad. I personally define Selfishness as doing something for yourself with no regard for or at the expense of others. But what has gotten lost is that “Taking care of yourself” is good. When we are able to take care of ourselves, it is about getting our needs met for survival. A lot of people I talk to feel that if they do something for themself, that they are being selfish so they won’t do it. However, nothing could be further from the truth. People’s fear of being seen or described as selfish has overshadowed the concept of Self Care for far too long.
When we are working to build self-esteem and self-worth, we need to learn the skill of being able to take care fo ourselves. That includes setting boundaries and not automatically doing everything for everyone at the expense of ourselves. It is not only okay to say no sometimes, but it is something we NEED to do for self-preservation. I often tell people that when asked to do favors for others, our automatic response should not always be “yes”. We should at least start by saying, “I need to check my schedule and get back to you” or “I would love to help you out, but I’m not sure if I can, so may I get back with you?” Then take a moment to really think about whether you can and really want to help in that way. There is nothing wrong with saying, “not this time”.
The reason that this is an important part of building self-worth, is that we need to be able to be genuine with ourself and others. If I know inside that when people ask me to do things that I ALWAYS say yes no matter how I really feel about it, how can I ever comfortably ask others for something I need? And being able to ask for help is just as important as helping others. In a sense, you are actually being selfish if you are always doing for others and never allow others to help you out. We all like the feeling of being able to do something good for someone else. Hence, if you never ask or allow people to help you, you are robbing them of that satisfying feeling. Not to mention that you are not honoring your own needs if you are really tired or overwhelmed and helping someone else in that moment could put you over the edge.
Always remember, even if helping others is your passion if you do not take care of yourself and feed your soul, your ability to help others will eventually be limited. Our Light shines brightest when we practice self-care and self-love, and that is when we have the most to give…