The Ties that Bind Us

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same.”

Flavia Weeden

Losing someone we love from our life whether through death or life circumstance, can be a painful and sometimes debilitating process. We know that people come into our lives for various reasons. If you stop and think about every person in your life, often you can see what they bring or teach you by being in your life (whether that is positive or negative). We learn so much about ourselves through our relationships with others. But when someone leaves our life, unless it was because you wanted them to leave, grief usually sets in.

Grief is a very complicated process and I can not possibly cover all the aspects of this issue here. I do not believe there is a correct way to grieve. Some people feel they will be swallowed by the pain of their grief. Time helps, but time alone does not heal the loss of someone we love from our life. Moving forward can be a process. At first, it is normal to feel that just putting one foot in front of the other is a feat. Then, as we move forward, there are things we can do to heal. I almost always recommend writing in a journal or notebook. I have found that writing letters to the person can be a powerful way to process the feelings that may be arising. If someone has passed away, there may be things you did not get to say, sometimes it is good-bye. On the other hand, if someone opted out of your life, you may need to express the hurt or anger they have left you with. Thus, writing can be very helpful in saying whatever it is that you need to say. 

Even if you don’t want to, I believe it is important that you get out of bed and practice self-care. Getting dressed, getting exercise, eating well, and surrounding yourself with loving people or pets can also go a long way. If you are grieving the loss of a loved one, try to separate holding onto to grief from holding onto to your loved one. You can move forward and feel better while keeping them close in your heart. I have seen a lot of people keep themselves sad or even feel they want to stay in the grief because they fear that feeling joy means they have let go of their loved one. It does not. There are ways you can keep them close to you, even if you can feel happiness again. Try to hold on to what you have gained from having them in your life. That is how we honor them.

When someone has painfully left your life by choice, try to get to the place where you can appreciate the good times for what they once were, while understanding that some people are not meant to be in our lives forever. Unfortunately, we do not always get a choice on that. So go through your hurt, anger, abandonment, betrayal, and then move into peace. Peace in knowing that you were blessed to have had the good times that you did. Always have faith in what the present moment is bringing you, and be grateful for all that you have gained in the process.